I-Pain

I have a migraine tonight.

So to divert the energy of agonizing about the pain, I thought up of new lyrics to T-Pain’s Apple Bottom Jeans:

[Chorus]
I have them Apple, Google stocks [stocks]
Shares with a promise  [With a promise]
Got the Wall Street lookin at her
Stocks hit the floor [Stocks hit the floor]
Next thing you know
Dow got low low low low low low low low

Them banks saying we cants
And bad loans with the straps [With the straps]
Feds turned around and gave the Fannie n’ Freddie a smack [Ayy]
Stocks hit the floor [Stocks hit the floor]
Next thing you know
Dow got low low low low low low low low

[Verse 1:]
I ain’t never seen nuthin that’ll make me low,
This crazy market losin’ my dough
Had a million dollar vibe and a bottle to go
Dem analysts, they stole the show
So miserable, I was once able
Professional, drinkin X and ooo
Hold up wait a minute, do i see what I think I
Whoa
Did I think I seen prices get low
Ain’t the same when it’s up that close
Make it rain, I’m gonna hold
Work the goal, I want the bank roll
Imma say that I prefer them hi stocks
I’m into that, I love portfolios
Stocks once were good for me, I gave Dow more
Cash ain’t a problem, as long as it grows

I had them

[Chorus]
Apple, Google stocks [stocks]
Shares with a promise [With a promise]
Got the Wall Street lookin at her
Stocks hit the floor [Stocks hit the floor]
Next thing you know
Dow got low low low low low low low low

Them banks saying we cants
And bad loans with the straps [With the straps]
Feds turned around and gave the Fannie n’ Freddie a smack [Ayy]
Stocks hit the floor [Stocks hit the floor]
Next thing you know
Dow got low low low low low low low low

[Verse 2:]
Hey
Banks what I gotta do to get your home
My pocket full of crap
And they ready for loans
People on the streets who lost their homes
Lives on the rocks that’ll make you moan

One stock (come on)
Two stocks (come on)
Three stocks (come on, now that’s three grand)
What you think I’m playin black jack
I’m the wo-man, I’ll bend the fed hands

That’s what I told her, her head on my shoulder
I knew it was ova, that John and Jane
Got me like a senator
They ready for cover, I couldn’t control ‘em
So lucky oo me, I was just like a clever
Stocks was hot like a toaster
Sorry but I had to hold ‘em,
Like a long-term investor
She showed her

[Chorus]
Apple, Google stocks [stocks]
Shares with a promise [With a promise]
Got the Wall Street lookin at her
Stocks hit the floor [Stocks hit the floor]
Next thing you know
Dow got low low low low low low low low

Them banks saying we cants
And bad loans with the straps [With the straps]
Feds turned around and gave the Fannie n’ Freddie a smack [Ayy]
Stocks hit the floor [Stocks hit the floor]
Next thing you know
Dow got low low low low low low low low

[Verse 3:]
Whoa
Stocks
Yea she was worth the money
Lil mama took my cash,
And I want it all back,
The way she bit that rag,
Got her them paper stacks,
Money Above my crack,
I had to handle that,

I was on it, good investments, let me shownin
They be want it two in the mornin
I’m zonin in them really good performin
But one day it had to stop, made it drop
Stocks did that pop and lock,
Had to break her off that gwap
Gah it was fly just like my stock

[Chorus]
Apple, Google stocks [stocks]
Shares with a promise [With a promise]
Got the Wall Street lookin at her
Stocks hit the floor [Stocks hit the floor]
Next thing you know
Dow got low low low low low low low low

Them banks saying we cants
And bad loans with the straps [With the straps]
Feds turned around and gave the Fannie n’ Freddie a smack [Ayy]
Stocks hit the floor [Stocks hit the floor]
Next thing you know
Dow got low low low low low low low low